Words Of Faith Graduation Announcement
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Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Friday, July 29, 2011
Update Summer 2011
Well, shoot. I wish I had posted every day for the last year or two. So much has happened. So much has changed.
Last January, I spoke for our student week of worship at my university. My topic was the 4 stages of faith. First, there is elation when you first begin to believe. The second step is rule-following; you've found a great new system and you want to play by the rules! The third is questioning, when the infatuation wears off. The fourth is mature faith, as you realize you cannot know all the answers, but you have chosen to believe a certain way for whatever intellectual reasons you have.
When I made my no-kissing vow, I was in Stage 2: Rules. I was tired of breaking my own heart and giving pieces of myself to boys who didn't stay part of my life. The whole system seemed so phony and irresponsible, so I opted out. I thought if I created this rule for myself it would help me be a better person. In some ways, it has. But it didn't take that kind of vow for me to grow in my faith. Most people are only in the rules stage temporarily. My promise (and afterward, my pride) has kept me locked into that part of my growth process, years later. I have moved through the questioning stage as well, but I can't let go of that one promise I made.
Much of the time, I wish I hadn't made the promise. I have been dating a wonderful man now for 2 years, and it's very difficult not to kiss him. It's honestly not physically difficult; I have trained my body that that is off-limits. It's emotionally difficult. When you are very close to someone, you want to share that kind of physical intimacy with them.
Even though sometimes I wish I hadn't made the promise, I don't regret it. It has helped me grow in many ways. I have had to answer many questions from skeptical and even judgmental people. I have had to question and analyze myself and my motives over and over again. My resolve has been strengthened.
I don't think it would be wrong on ANY level to kiss my boyfriend. We are in love and we want to marry each other someday (we're both graduating from college this year, so maybe someday soon!). But a promise is a promise, and so our lips have not locked. Sticking to a promise that I don't fully believe in anymore is difficult. Defending an action that no longer makes sense to me is hard. To say that this course of action is character-building would be an understatement.
Yes, I am still sticking with my promise. I have always firmly believed that a promise is a promise. My pride keeps me from giving in. Hundreds of people now know about my promise. Besides, why give up now? For those out there who exercise, when you're doing your last set of crunches or running your last half mile, do you just give up partway because it's difficult? No! There is a sense of pride, of needing to finish the race you have begun. No matter how hard it is, if you know you can do it, you will do everything in your power to accomplish the goal you set before yourself. I feel exactly like that. It's been 1,045 days since a boy's lips last touched mine (side note: that boy, along with several others I've kissed, are now married...and it feels weird knowing that I was the last girl they kissed before meeting their current wives). I only need to hold on a bit longer, and then I can be proud of myself for keeping my vow, no matter how ridiculous it may seem.
Last January, I spoke for our student week of worship at my university. My topic was the 4 stages of faith. First, there is elation when you first begin to believe. The second step is rule-following; you've found a great new system and you want to play by the rules! The third is questioning, when the infatuation wears off. The fourth is mature faith, as you realize you cannot know all the answers, but you have chosen to believe a certain way for whatever intellectual reasons you have.
When I made my no-kissing vow, I was in Stage 2: Rules. I was tired of breaking my own heart and giving pieces of myself to boys who didn't stay part of my life. The whole system seemed so phony and irresponsible, so I opted out. I thought if I created this rule for myself it would help me be a better person. In some ways, it has. But it didn't take that kind of vow for me to grow in my faith. Most people are only in the rules stage temporarily. My promise (and afterward, my pride) has kept me locked into that part of my growth process, years later. I have moved through the questioning stage as well, but I can't let go of that one promise I made.
Much of the time, I wish I hadn't made the promise. I have been dating a wonderful man now for 2 years, and it's very difficult not to kiss him. It's honestly not physically difficult; I have trained my body that that is off-limits. It's emotionally difficult. When you are very close to someone, you want to share that kind of physical intimacy with them.
Even though sometimes I wish I hadn't made the promise, I don't regret it. It has helped me grow in many ways. I have had to answer many questions from skeptical and even judgmental people. I have had to question and analyze myself and my motives over and over again. My resolve has been strengthened.
I don't think it would be wrong on ANY level to kiss my boyfriend. We are in love and we want to marry each other someday (we're both graduating from college this year, so maybe someday soon!). But a promise is a promise, and so our lips have not locked. Sticking to a promise that I don't fully believe in anymore is difficult. Defending an action that no longer makes sense to me is hard. To say that this course of action is character-building would be an understatement.
Yes, I am still sticking with my promise. I have always firmly believed that a promise is a promise. My pride keeps me from giving in. Hundreds of people now know about my promise. Besides, why give up now? For those out there who exercise, when you're doing your last set of crunches or running your last half mile, do you just give up partway because it's difficult? No! There is a sense of pride, of needing to finish the race you have begun. No matter how hard it is, if you know you can do it, you will do everything in your power to accomplish the goal you set before yourself. I feel exactly like that. It's been 1,045 days since a boy's lips last touched mine (side note: that boy, along with several others I've kissed, are now married...and it feels weird knowing that I was the last girl they kissed before meeting their current wives). I only need to hold on a bit longer, and then I can be proud of myself for keeping my vow, no matter how ridiculous it may seem.
Monday, April 19, 2010
What's So Bad About Kissing?
The other day I had the opportunity to explain to another person why I've made the commitment I have. Sometimes in conversations the question comes up, "How long has it been since you kissed someone?" Everyone throws out "a week" or "a month" or however long it's been. In the silence that follows, I grin and chime in, "19 months!" I'm getting close to 2 years and I'm pretty proud of myself. :)
On Friday I was having dinner with on old friend when that question came up. He asked me why in the world I wasn't kissing anyone anymore. After all, what's the harm in kissing? Most people don't think much of it. Some people don't even define it as cheating (I certainly don't rank in that category, but those people are entitled to their opinions, too). It's hardly even considered intimate anymore. People kiss on dares. People kiss on first dates. I have some girl friends who have kissed nearly all their guy friends. Kissing has become so cheapened. Hence why I am withholding my lips. Waiting for something makes it more special. When I finally get to kiss the man of my dreams, it's going to be far beyond "special"!
I know that most people my age gave up their first kisses long ago. It's hard to even find college-age virgins anymore. Young adults are applauded for holding out this long. But saving sex for marriage and allowing anything else by is barely achieving the minimum of purity. I've always been an overachiever, so maybe that's why I find myself questioning this minimalist attitude. If remaining a virgin is passing the test, that's like a C grade. I don't like Cs. I like As (I can imagine all my friends rolling their eyes right now). I realize that the man I fall in love with will likely have kissed a number of girls. That’s just the way it is. But anyone who is close to me knows that the lower the number of “conquests” (so to speak), the higher my respect is for that person. All my friends who remain un-kissed (or kissed by few) have received high-fives or that I-am-so-impressed-with-you look. So if I want my man’s number to be as low as possible, shouldn’t I return that favor? I can’t change the past, but I can change the future.
Even if he doesn’t care how many other guys I’ve kissed, I care. When I am with someone, I don’t want memories of those who have gone before. So maybe my first kiss with Guy X was more romantic than my first kiss with Guy Y. I don’t want to have that comparison going on in my head. The man in my life deserves my undivided attention and my undivided heart. It is selfish of me to give out little pieces of my heart with each snog. The gratification in the here and now is not worth losing the peace, joy, and closeness in the future. And don’t you think he’ll feel special that at age 19, when my hormones were certainly working, I chose to give up kissing to someday honor a man I’ve never met?
On Friday I was having dinner with on old friend when that question came up. He asked me why in the world I wasn't kissing anyone anymore. After all, what's the harm in kissing? Most people don't think much of it. Some people don't even define it as cheating (I certainly don't rank in that category, but those people are entitled to their opinions, too). It's hardly even considered intimate anymore. People kiss on dares. People kiss on first dates. I have some girl friends who have kissed nearly all their guy friends. Kissing has become so cheapened. Hence why I am withholding my lips. Waiting for something makes it more special. When I finally get to kiss the man of my dreams, it's going to be far beyond "special"!
I know that most people my age gave up their first kisses long ago. It's hard to even find college-age virgins anymore. Young adults are applauded for holding out this long. But saving sex for marriage and allowing anything else by is barely achieving the minimum of purity. I've always been an overachiever, so maybe that's why I find myself questioning this minimalist attitude. If remaining a virgin is passing the test, that's like a C grade. I don't like Cs. I like As (I can imagine all my friends rolling their eyes right now). I realize that the man I fall in love with will likely have kissed a number of girls. That’s just the way it is. But anyone who is close to me knows that the lower the number of “conquests” (so to speak), the higher my respect is for that person. All my friends who remain un-kissed (or kissed by few) have received high-fives or that I-am-so-impressed-with-you look. So if I want my man’s number to be as low as possible, shouldn’t I return that favor? I can’t change the past, but I can change the future.
Even if he doesn’t care how many other guys I’ve kissed, I care. When I am with someone, I don’t want memories of those who have gone before. So maybe my first kiss with Guy X was more romantic than my first kiss with Guy Y. I don’t want to have that comparison going on in my head. The man in my life deserves my undivided attention and my undivided heart. It is selfish of me to give out little pieces of my heart with each snog. The gratification in the here and now is not worth losing the peace, joy, and closeness in the future. And don’t you think he’ll feel special that at age 19, when my hormones were certainly working, I chose to give up kissing to someday honor a man I’ve never met?
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